No one really was surprised when an Iowa U.S. Senate seat came open, but it was a bit unusual for President Donald Trump to dismiss the replacement process. “A trained horse could do the job,” Trump scoffed at an impromptu news conference. Kim Reynolds, Iowa’s Republican governor, perhaps misreading Trump’s statement, dutifully appointed a horse to fill the vacancy. She chose Ed the Magnificent, a palomino that won acclaim at the Iowa state fair for clenching a broomstick in its mouth and defeating fairgoers in games of checkers.

It prompted the biggest equine political scandal since the Roman emperor Caligula was reported to have appointed his horse to the Senate. Trump responded to the outrage by bringing out of retirement former Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, 87, assigned to mollify the critics.


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Ed the Magnificent and Ross met in the Senate cloakroom. “Whoa, fella” calmed Ross, “all of this will go away; and you’ll be fine.”

“Wilbur,” said the horse, “no one will take me seriously in this post.”

“You can talk!” exclaimed Ross. “Does anyone know you can talk?”

“No, and don’t you go telling anyone,” said Ed. “The last thing I want is to engage in banal banter with Senators.”

“So, you’re a palomino who can talk,” mused Ross. “I’m trying to remember what this reminds me of.”

As Ross pondered, he and the horse were approached by Tennessee’s U.S. Senators Marsha Blackburn and Bill Hagerty.

“So, Wilbur,” said Blackburn, “this is the horse at the center of this mess.”

“He looks like a fine nominee to me,” said Hagerty. “You know, whatever Trump wants.”

“And he’s probably smarter than Tuberville,” chuckled Blackburn.

“Has he been trained to use his broomstick to press the right button?” asked Hagerty.

“Absolutely,” declared Ross. “He knows what to do. There will be no need to change horses in midstream.”

The two Tennessee Senators groaned, and Ed shook his head side to side.

“Trump is very pleased with this appointment,” said Ross. “It’s just a bonus that he’s white.”