Mon
Dec 29 2008
03:51 pm
How conservative parenting hurts kids
By: MDB

Two articles from the WaPo:
Concerned Taxpayer's picture

So, should teens be told to

Submitted by Concerned Taxpayer (not verified) on Mon, 2008/12/29 - 10:57pm.

So, should teens be told to have sex then? I would think trying to get them to stay away from sex and how it can impact their education and future career choices would be paramount for a parent. One study may say it does not work but teaching teens that they own their body and that they are empowered to think about their future and not just sex is better than giving them a condom and saying be safe. What parent wants a grandchild while their own child is still a teen?

Elrod's picture

Abstnence ONLY is the problem

Submitted by Elrod on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 12:51am.

You do realize that comprehensive sex ed emphasizes that the only foolproof way to avoid STDs or unwanted pregnancies is abstinence, do you? Comprehensive sex ed just goes a bit further and demystifies sex while showing teens the actual effectiveness rates for different forms of contraception.

It's obvious from the research that if a parent does not want their child to be a teenage parent, then they should support getting rid of counterproductive and wasteful abstinence-only sex ed.

talidapali's picture

So, should teens be told

Submitted by talidapali on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 1:48pm.

So, should teens be told to
Submitted by Concerned Taxpayer (not verified) on Mon, 2008/12/29 - 11:57pm.

So, should teens be told to have sex then? I would think trying to get them to stay away from sex and how it can impact their education and future career choices would be paramount for a parent. One study may say it does not work but teaching teens that they own their body and that they are empowered to think about their future and not just sex is better than giving them a condom and saying be safe. What parent wants a grandchild while their own child is still a teen?

Absolutely not. That is NOT the goal of comprehensive sex education. What Abstinence-only education programs do is less than nothing. They fill kids' heads with "pie in the sky" notions of purity and crap like that but they do NOT give kids the actual real world tools to prevent diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Abstinence-only programs have been PROVEN to be the LEAST effective at preventing unwanted pregnancies and diseases among teens.

What should be taught is responsibility for your body, like using a condom EVERYTIME...and using birth control like the pill to prevent unwanted pregnancies (even if you use a condom, which can in RARE cases fail). Abstinence should be taught as the only method that is 100 percent assured to prevent disease and pregnancy (if it is practiced). However, since most kids will probably break an abstinence vow BEFORE marriage...even if they do delay their first foray into sexual experience for a few years longer than they might have otherwise done...ALL kids need to be taught that if they do engage in sexual encounters, they have options which can prevent them from experiencing the life-altering consequences of sex.

Letting your kid go out into the world without knowing ALL the ways to prevent sexually-transmitted diseases and pregnancy is like giving them a fully loaded gun and helping them to point it at their heads and pull the trigger. Yeah, it would be great if kids could remain pure and innocent until their wedding night, but that just ain't gonna happen...if wishes were nickels I'd be richer than Croesus. Parents need to wake up and realize they live IN the world, not separate from it, and so do their kids...if they really care about their kids, they will give them all the weapons and ammunition they need to keep themselves safe since mommy and daddy simply CANNOT be there 24/7/365.

_________________________________________________
"You can't fix stupid..." ~ Ron White"
"I never said I wasn't a brat..." ~ Talidapali

Concerned Taxpayer's picture

You make some valid points

Submitted by Concerned Taxpayer (not verified) on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 5:02pm.

You make some valid points but I take offense at your "pie in the sky" comment. It is my opinion that even if the teens get the tools that you propose that teaching all of them, boys as well as girls, that saying no to sex is not about living with their heads in the sky. Instead, it is about teaching them that academics are their top priority, that academics leads to a career, and that their focus should be on those two until they are grown. Granted that many will go overboard with the "purity" focus but emphasizing to teens that sex is wrong, for a number of reasons, and that there are other more pressing concerns is more important than just showing how to not get a STD. Besides, I believe that no contact equals no chance of contracting an STD.

Now the portrayal of virginity as some kind of altered state I can understand how we don't need to do that but why is it that we tell teens to wash up after a trip to the bathroom but cannot tell them to say no to sex? In many ways, teaching NO SEX to teens is a first and foremost a health issue and if not eating Twinkies or drinking Coke is how we promote good cardio health how can we not do the same with sex?

MDB's picture

Sex Education and Nutrition Education

Submitted by MDB on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 5:17pm.

In many ways, teaching NO SEX to teens is a first and foremost a health issue and if not eating Twinkies or drinking Coke is how we promote good cardio health how can we not do the same with sex?

We teach kids to eat responsibly, not to abstain from food altogether. Its been over two decades since I've taken a high school nutrition class1, but I doubt they tell kids "never eat anything other than fruits and vegetables", which would seem to be the analog to "abstinence only". Instead, they teach a balanced diet, including the occasional indulgence, while warning that too many Twinkies will hurt you down the road.

1 And looking at my waistline, perhaps taking one now wouldn't be a bad idea...

"I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." -- Will Rogers

Rachel's picture

Why yes, the opposite of

Submitted by Rachel on Mon, 2008/12/29 - 11:00pm.

Why yes, the opposite of abstinence only education is "telling teens to have sex."

Sheesh.

Concerned Taxpayer's picture

Well, I for one certainly

Submitted by Concerned Taxpayer (not verified) on Mon, 2008/12/29 - 11:10pm.

Well, I for one certainly hope that when that teen discovers that she is pregnant or that young boy has it explained to him what he has done that taxpayer dollars are not used to keep them up. What kind of message is it to say to teens that it is okay to have sex, catch an STD, get pregnant, have an abortion and not act like that there are no consequences, and the like? These teens need to be taught that education is their first priority, not losing their virginity. What matters is there academic achievement and what they will do in their life, not bragging about getting some sex over the weekend. Where is the message that their personal achievement is more important than a thrill? A thrill that may have lasting impact too.

lovable liberal's picture

Important educational goal

Submitted by lovable liberal on Mon, 2008/12/29 - 11:30pm.

Learning to detect sarcasm without HTML tags or smiley faces... Distinguishing between 'their' and 'there' is much less important, although cluelessness is also a problem that our educational systems need to address.

As I'm confident both Rachel and MDB know, abstinence pledges are not the only way to deliver abstinence messages. In fact, the most effective - and the most abstinent - sex education is honest, complete, and demystifying, not obsessed with virginity as the only positive outcome, but as one positive among others. Good sex ed even advocates responsible sexuality, which generally means deferred sexual expression.

But look, many teenagers are going to have sex. This was true even in the 1950s. It's still true, even in conservative households. It's better that they don't die of it. It's better that the girls don't get pregnant until later. If I'm insufficiently censorious, so be it.

Liberty and justice for all.

My home

MDB's picture

Right, for a starter

Submitted by MDB on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 4:41am.

You are right, but you're only halfway there.

Of course, kids need to be taught that sex has consequences that can really mess up their futures.

However, we also need to realize that the desire to have sex is a very strong biological urge, a point the "abstinence only" crowd seems to miss. They want to have sex, at a biological level, well before they are ready to handle the responsibility that comes with it. Now, you can argue that part of the problem is societal, TV, movies, music, etc, but its also an established fact the kids are reaching puberty at earlier ages than in the past, for reasons not quite scientifically understood, and puberty brings on the "need to breed", if you will.

Numerous studies have shown abstinence only education simply does not work, but its supporters act like the only alternative is a teacher coming into the classroom with a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms. What is really needed is what I've heard called "abstinence plus", which could be summed up as "don't, but we know you want to, so if you do..."

oh, and by the way, in your first post, you asked,

What parent wants a grandchild while their own child is still a teen?

Barack Obama said that during the campaign, with the admittedly poor choice of words "punished", and was attacked repeatedly by conservatives. From listening to them, he should have been overjoyed with the prospect of a fifteen year old pregnant daughter.

"I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." -- Will Rogers

Mykhailo's picture

Abstinence pledges are not

Submitted by Mykhailo on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 11:13am.

Abstinence pledges are not only ineffective, the pledgers participate in risky sexual behavior later on.

Parenting was not addressed by this study.

MDB's picture

I would think an abstinence

Submitted by MDB on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 12:18pm.

I would think an abstinence pledge is usually something parents are involved with.

"I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." -- Will Rogers

gonzone's picture

Absolutely

Submitted by gonzone on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 1:42pm.

And that risky behavior?

It happens on the night of the "Purity Ball" with dear old dad.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
Hunter S. Thompson

MDB's picture

I would think an abstinence

Submitted by MDB on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 12:18pm.

I would think an abstinence pledge is usually something parents are involved with.

"I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat." -- Will Rogers

R. Neal's picture

Please do not feed the

Submitted by R. Neal on Tue, 2008/12/30 - 6:10pm.

Please do not feed the trolls.

onetahiti's picture

Truly conservative parents will give their kids all the facts

Submitted by onetahiti on Thu, 2009/03/19 - 9:02pm.

Getting info on birth control techniques is easy. Wikipedia has a handy, scary comparison table: (link...)

I say it is scary because so many common methods of so-called birth control will in practice yield 1 out of 100, 1 out of 12, 1 out of 8, 1 out of 6, or more girls pregnant per year. None of the methods is perfect. The big lesson is that truly there are no "accidents." Even protected sex is gambling with pregnancy.

I can say from personal experience that giving a girl this knowledge can be only too successful, leaving her so reluctant to knowingly gamble that decades later she is still childless.

-- OneTahiti

Nobody's picture

"Please do not feed the

Submitted by Nobody (not verified) on Thu, 2009/03/19 - 8:49pm.

"Please do not feed the trolls."

Which ones are the trolls?

The birthrate is 40% unmarried. Kids deserve better.

Maybe the trolls are not who you think.

R. Neal's picture

Which ones are the

Submitted by R. Neal on Thu, 2009/03/19 - 9:03pm.

Which ones are the trolls?

???????????

Hildegard's picture

I think the subject line is

Submitted by Hildegard on Thu, 2009/03/19 - 9:32pm.

I think the subject line is a little unfair. As a liberal stepmom, I am friends with/ related to some very good conservative parents who do not preach intolerance or have unrealistic attitudes about sex. In fact I know a good many parents who are politically conservative and about the only thing we agree on is responsible sexuality. I think qualifying the term "conservative parents" in the context of this blog post would be the fair thing to do. Having said that, I can tell you I will lecture my stepson, when the day comes, on responsible sex, which will include using condoms, treating women with respect, and I will do everything I can to encourage him to wait until he is with a girl he loves and whose father does not own a gun.

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