We need better conspiracy theories

A secret and sacred text, known as the Scaramouchi Code, reveals a hidden plot with religious and political overtones. Kremlin-backed oligarchs decided one of their debtors, known to them as Dopus Mei, should be the U.S. president. Dopus, following a meeting in the Moscow Ritz Carlton with the Pee Masons, agreed to be their front man.

One billionaire family funded the evil Not-So-Bright-Bart based on its resume of creating “Birth of a Notion,” a unification of Klansmen, Nazis and anti-immigrant Know Nothings.