President Trump recently renewed his political assault on Canada, ending trade talks via social media post and hissy fit over digital services taxes. Trump’s musings and outbursts about Canada have all the bizarre twists of a Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoon, likely one involving occasional character and frequent failure, Captain Peachfuzz. Amazingly, I am not the first person to notice these similarities. Thus, I wrote it up my version of the episode. As usual it starts with the booming words of the voice-over announcer.

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As dawn broke in Frostbite Falls and in Washington, D. C., the full consequences of the Captain Peter “Wrongway” Peachfuzz brain transfer ray became clear. Boris Badenov had maliciously and deliberately overwhelmed the brain of the President Donald Trump.

“There was a lot of room in there, and it’s very dark,” chuckled Badenov.

He was accompanied by his wife Melania, now controlled by the evil Natasha Fatale. “People don’t notice the difference between a Slovenian accent and a Russian one,” she declared.

Peachfuzz even had turned the ray on himself, getting into the brain of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. “I had to kick out a worm, but no one has noticed any difference, even as I spouted nonsense and conspiracy theories,” chuckled Peachfuzz.

“Boris, er, Donald,” said Fatale, waving a cell phone. “We have an important call from Fearless Leader.

“Badenov!” screamed Fearless Leader. “The whole plan is a mess. Ukrainian drones are blowing up my planes. Trump’s approval is scraping the bottom of the barrel. His tariffs are crashing, even his lackeys on Capitol Hill are getting shaky.”

“Yes, Vladimir,” whimpered Badenov. “What do you want us to do?”

“We need a distraction,” instructed Fearless Leader. “You and Natasha get to Canada right away and insist on taking over the country by force.”

“Yes, Fearless Leader,” said Badenov, “We will deliver for you, President Putin.”

“Hokey Smokes!” exclaimed Rocket J. Squirrel, putting down the newspaper he was reading. “Bullwinkle, we’ve got to get to Canada. Trump is planning something awful.”

“You mean like denying health care to the poor?” asked Bullwinkle J. Moose.

“Even worse,” replied Rocky, “I think he’s planning an invasion. We need to get our friends and move quickly.”

The brain-drained Trump and Melania boarded Air Force One. “Ugh, this old clunker. Darling, when do we get that big Qatar jet?”

“Soon,” said Badenov through Trump. No one greeted them at Montreal’s airport, and they had to take an Uber to Dorchester Park.

Badenov/Trump picked up a bullhorn. “We’re here to welcome you as the 51st state.”

“You’re in a state of denial, you war-mongering fascist!” bellowed Canadian villain Snidley Whiplash. At his side were: Rocky, Bullwinkle, Royal Canadian Mounted Police Member Dudley Do-Right, Dudley’s horse, RCMP Inspector Fenwick and his daughter Nell.

“Snidely,” cooed Nell, “I had no idea we were on the same side on this.”

“All Canadians oppose this nonsense,” said Fenwick. “And all Greenlanders, too.”

“Who is this treasonous beast?” asked Dudley Do-Right. “I will not stand by as he besmirches the honor of Canada.” Do-Right mounted his horse and with great fanfare he and Rocky lassoed Badenov/Trump and Natasha/Melania. The crowd roared approval, showering the American presidential duo with insults in French, English, and several Native languages.

Watching the spectacle were time travelers Sherman and Mister Peabody, as well as Aesop and Son. "Trump could have avoided this whole fiasco if he avoided sweets and stopped proclaiming things,” Peabody said to Sherman.

“I don’t get it, Mr. Peabody,” said Sherman.

“It’s elementary Sherman, you can't have your cake and edict, too."

“This reminds me of the story of the fox and the grapes,” said Aesop.

“The Rolling Stones sung it better,” corrected his son. “You can’t always get what you want.”

The booming voice-over announcer stepped in to declare, “Join us again next time for another Rocky and Bullwinkle adventure, Four No Trump or Poutine on the Ritz.”